I sometimes ask myself not if I should write, but if I should share what I write.
Writing is my lifeblood. I have occasionally “given up the bad habit of writing” only to find myself slinking back with a scrawled bit of doggerel like a junky needing his morning fix. If I go more than about a day without writing something, somewhere — I get that janky tremor that we used to call “jonesing” back in the day.
I cannot stop. That much has been decided. And, for the most part, I like to think of it as a victimless habit. Mostly harmless… Besides, like decent person with any filthy habit, I wash my hands afterwards.
But should I share what I write? That gets trickier.
I still believe it is “mostly harmless”. But I know, regardless of the perception of “quality” (in quotes for my buddy, Ted), what I write often seems to not be (for whatever reason, perhaps due to “quality”) the kind of stuff that people particularly “get” or maybe even like. And I am not entirely blind to the qualities of the writings that are well-received, but the well-received style of writing is plainly not me.
So I often find myself asking, when I write, should I share it? Or should I hermit myself off in the woods and eventually be found as a dead and desiccated body, with stacks of scrawled within notebooks scattered around my cave that some cold hiker will burn for fuel against the cold autumn air?
Wait… don’t answer those… those were rhetorical questions. Allow me at least the illusion that someone reads and maybe slightly likes what I write, please.
Channeling non-oblique, non-obtuse writer to see if I can make something of something…
I recently received a message from a distant relative that I had contacted back in December. She seemed to be my best way to link up to my maternal ancestors via DNA because not only did she share the genetic origin that was distinct to my mother (unrepresented in my father’s DNA), but she had access to a huge family tree of 2500+ members.
She only now got back to me about the research I had asked her to perform using her access to the extensive family tree, having given her my grandfather’s name (assumed or otherwise), his approximate age (from court records), and possible residence or port of entry.
(more…)Time permitting, which is not as often as you might think, I’ve been settling down and started playing a recently released game called Clair Obscur: Expedition 33.
In a day and age where games either seem just, in general, overpriced at $70 for some AAA titles which are often bug-filled things with uninspired gameplay, I do tend to sit up and pay attention when the rumors go around that an AA title comes out from an up-and-coming studio that tries to do something different from the the copy-pasted games out there for less than $50.
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I’ll have to admit, the stress of losing the toenail on my big toe via medical intervention was worse than the reality of it. Just in case anyone wants to know about the experience in case you experience s similar situation.
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All that you give returns threefold, or so they say.
Or they used to, anyway. I do not know if that still holds true. Sometimes it does not seem to.
The world has moved on in a lot of ways. Maybe such concepts just refuse to stick around anymore.
I do not know.
Laughter. That uncertain, awkward laughter one uses while scratching their head and looking down at their shoes. Are those my shoes? I suppose they must be. Heh. Alrighty. Hello shoes.
I seem to be staring at my shoes a lot in life. Awkward laughter and all.
Trees… They do not concern themselves with these things. Nor do big granite stones.
And they do not have shoes to awkwardly laugh about.
I then give myself to the wisdom of trees and stones. Perhaps I’ll grok at least some of the things yet.
Thank you, everyone, for all of your support on this site — I really appreciate it.
I know that everyone is used to seeing multiple posts from me each day, so I wanted to put it out that I plan to take a day or several off from posting new material. I have hit a point where I feel a need to do a bit of a digital unplugging. Clear my head, redirect. That kind of thing.
My absence isn’t the sort of thing that should be construed as I may have drowned in the bathtub… As tempting as it might be to do so at times. Or to do to me.
The nice thing about doing so is that I should have some time to explore and focus on an old creative commitment I made a while back that I never got around to working on.
I might post some “ancient history” poetry in the meantime, from that time where I originally made that commitment. I’ll note the original post date and if I’m made any significant edits when I do.
I’m looking forward to seeing you in a few days, give or take.
Poetry is my incantation; writing, my ritual…
Oh! The trials and tribulations…
Can you imagine my surprise when I was denied access to this site this morning?
The error message I received from Firefox and Chrome were similar and made it sound like I might have been hacked. “Lithuania”, “geoblocking”, “security certificate invalid”, and all kinds of unsmiley indications (including a spam contact message overnight).
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There’s something appealing about taking up fasting again. I laid awake at my normal lay awake time last night (2.45am to at least 3.30am) contemplating taking up fasting. Not the hardcore fasting where you go for days on end. I’ve already proved to myself that I have that kind of willpower that it takes to pull that off. I lasted 7 days, or maybe it was 10 — I forget — when I was much younger. I actually needed to will myself to get back into eating after that period of time, whichever duration it was.
No, what I’m talking about is something closer to intermittent fasting. I haven’t thought out the details, but I can see limited fasting as a mental and spiritual exercise. Besides, I’m starting to have a hate side of the love/hate relationship with food emerge again.
Or maybe it was the thinking about that summer and autumn in Seattle before returning to Minnesota. Those days, I had to remind myself to eat. Some days I didn’t bother. I was definitely on a “I hate food” binge at the time. Coffee was good. I drank a river of coffee during that time. Smoked quite a few smokes too.
That was all fine and dandy when it was just me living out on my own, but the family would worry about my mental state and health if I approached things that way now, so it would be better to just limit and eliminate some of my food consumption rather than all-out, hardcore fasting.
I’m not sure what I would want to accomplish. I’ve got my eigengrau moods that come more often than they go. And it wouldn’t hurt to rewild my spirit a bit. A touch of hunger has a way of bringing out the feral.
Maybe I can fast out the funk?
There, a title for this post — catchy and topical. Just the kind of thing SEO managers love.
Have you fasted? Any particular reason for doing so if you have? Do you think it is weird and unhealthy? Comment away!