The only thing they feared more than failure was success.
– appropriated variant of a common phrase, applied to The Replacements
There are several variations of the above quote from across time; I’m not sure who said something like it originally. There are several people credited with saying something like it. It has been rattling around in my head since I saw it (again), although I cannot say exactly why.
There’s something somewhat terribly romantic in that notion, isn’t there? That idea that failure is somehow more desirable than success, even if driven by a fear response.
It seem an almost fantastical a notion, especially in our modern popular culture where we are encouraged to strive for “success” — however that can be defined. And I’m not 100% convinced that “success” has a valid, concrete definition.
And yet, we are all driven to try to “succeed”.
It brings to mind another favorite quote of mine:
“I’m not afraid to compete. It’s just the opposite. […] Just because I’m so horribly conditioned to accept everybody else’s values, and just because I like applause and people to rave about me, doesn’t make it right. […] I’m sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody. I’m sick of myself and everybody else that wants to make some kind of a splash.”
– Franny, JD Salinger [emphasis is my own]
While the obvious application for these words is with respect to being an entertainer of some kind, or artist or writer… I think the whole idea of being a failure or a nobody being somehow preferable than being a success has some kind of guilty appeal in normal everyday life as well.
Maybe it’s just me… As the man sang: I’m a weirdo/I’m a creep.
I’m curious, O’ Small Coterie of Beloved Readers, what your opinion is with respect to the idea of the appeal of failure over success? Or is it still preferrable to be successful in the end, even if you are first met by failure? What kinds of things does one end up giving up if by choosing one or the other?
37 responses to “Half-penny thoughts — 12dec25”
I’ll let you know if I’m ever successful!! 😂
Please do and then send some my direction 😉
I certainly will, Michael! IF it ever happens!!! ☺
Careful, you might speak into being… And then what would you do?
It’s not a question I have ever had to answer before!!!! Hope that answers your question!!! 😂
😊
My favorite quote about failure is from Samuel Beckett, “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” First heard this in a speech Peter Dinklage gave at Bennington College. Love it go much I had it on a t-shirt.
To many time, especially if you grew up in a poor family, any dream you had other than surviving the day to day was ‘pie in the sky’. Resources were not to be wasted on dreams. They weren’t talked about. Encouraged. Sometimes not even manifested in your mind. Don’t think about it so you’ll never be disappointed.
I do agree this country puts so much pressure on success. And there are so many examples of success. With the more expensive toys being the golden pinnacle. I believe failure is a necessary part of success. Failure builds character and gratitude. A deeper respect for the success. A platform to build on. Plus all the connections you build along the way.
That’s similar to a quote by someone I once respected, but has since been a disappointment to me (so I won’t quote it here). As I recently told someone when they said that they were afraid their efforts weren’t going to change things, I reminded them that things would most definitely not change in they didn’t make an effort at all. Your quote reminded me of that.
We were very solidly middle class, leaning toward the lower side of the balance more than slightly. I get where you came from and can relate.
Thanks for your thoughts. I think we undervalue failure as a nation, perhaps the entirety of humankind.
Yes, I think we do. Failure is a learning tool. A stepping stone, if we use it correctly.
It really stings when we think we know someone. But we really don’t. We only see what people let us see.
Masks everywhere! Especially famous people.
Very true.
I think with my generation and older, we don’t know how to be venerable. It’s a dirty word. It’s where secrets go to die. That’s a heavy mask to wear.
Yes indeed. I grew up in the “boys don’t cry” era and got razzed so hard for crying as a kid that it is still difficult to let myself do it even in private.
I hear you.
Vulnerable, 🤦🏼♀️ Sometimes I worry about me.
LOL. I still appreciate you.
💕
I personally think failures are what make things possible. It’s part of the cycle of change. Failure forces thought and innovation, to create a different outcome. The highly successful people in all industries failed and failed, they just didn’t give up. It’s a shame that we as adults do not embrace failure a little bit more. I think more people would be less afraid to look stupid and/or fail. I personally am much more afraid of success than failure, but neither stop me from trying. I may pause, evaluate, readjust, try again, or go silent, but I keep trying. Oh, and I leave a blazing trail of failures to light the darkness. Because failure is more valuable and just as beautiful as success, especially when you get back up, show where things went wrong, and keep moving forward. I even get my attempts at showing my failures wrong and have to try again. lol
I give my children permission to fail, especially when it comes to writing, making art or music — some of their “failures” are the better efforts because they have given themselves permission to be imperfect. They make some wonderful discoveries when they aren’t worried about such things.
I personally have a history of getting to close to seeing what some would call success and I inevitably self-sabotage. Not on purpose. It’s like my subconscious doesn’t like the idea and puts a leg out for me to trip over. 🤣
But failure is the key to innovation, certainly. I’m glad you embrace it to a certain level.
The only thing I care about is setting an example for my kids. I make myself look dumb publicly so they have the courage to try new things, like making a song and allowing others on a live stream to comment. I can’t teach confidence or courage without using myself as an example.
This is true. Which is why I’m the resident dork. 😂
“If dad can be an idiot, well, we can at least be less of an idiot than he is.”
Oh, Gosh… is that what motivates my kids too? lol to not look as dumb as Mom. 🤔🤪😁
It’s a pretty low bar to vault in this family 😂
I feel like going through all of that is part of a journey that’s sufficiently long. I’d say multiple times.
It’s all iteration, I suppose. Until you get the result you can live with anyway…
I am thinking of the phrase as pointing to biting off more than you can chew, rather than as Salinger’s character puts it. Franny erroneously distills to one extreme or another, either making a splash or being a failure. At the same time, the intro you use suggests someone who shirks success because of all the added responsibility, not necessarily because they don’t want to be successful. I am more concerned with not playing out of my league. A person can be trained to be a good manager, but isn’t one because it is wrong for him. His body wants to be a writer, so he works as a research editor, and he is happier for it.
I think that’s a decent analysis, although I will argue that for some people, the general idea of success is not a desirable one for them. They’re perfectly happy with accepting the lot given and unconsciously (or consciously) end up sabotaging their chances at greater success because it just doesn’t appeal. They might be perfectly happy washing dishes at a greasy spoon because it frees up their mind to think about other things.
Thanks for the thoughts to add to my contemplation blender 😊
Heroic failure is a very English thing, traditionally, hence the writings of the Romantic poets on the subject – having said which, it’s a long time since I studied them so my recollections are hazy. Nevertheless, it’s behind the idea of having to try, even if you’re pretty sure before you start that you won’t win – and Atticus Finch famously said to his son Jem “I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyways and you see through it no matter what.” – so Americans took the idea and ran with it. Nothing wrong with heroic failure, therefore; it beats never having tried. 🙂
That’s pretty much the message I gave to someone recently. Glad to see I was keeping in with the Romantic line of thought 😂
No less than I’d expect from you! 😊
Hmm…really interesting and thought provoking! Honestly I find a lot of my successes come from my failures. Trust me to find a paradox 😅 I have definitely been known to be more scared of success than failure…so most of the time with me I just need to get out of my own way!
You? Finding a paradox?
Perish the thought! 😂
I know with me that sometimes the struggle is more appealing than the acquisition. I can think of several cases where that might be the case.
Interesting. I have difficulty accepting praise and, if things go well, I’m the first to acknowledge others, so success is a strange concept. I guess it’s a case of me knowing I’ve done something well (before the moment that reflection kicks in and I start thinking about how I could have done things better). So I suppose it’s succes in my own eyes rather than through those of other people.
That seems to be the more sensible route to take. Sometimes how we define success and how others define it might be polar opposites, but I think it is our own sensibilities that should (generally) rule. Thanks, Chris.
Be careful what you wish for; it might come true!
I have a very Zen approach towards such things. Must not rush into judgement too hastily…