No more excuses

I takes a special kind of arrogance to unleash your child upon the world and expect everyone else to just deal with them when you haven’t bothered to teach them acceptable behaviors because they are “on the spectrum” (often self-diagnosed and over-diagnosed) or “have ADHD” (also frequently self-diagnosed and over-diagnosed).

I have dealt with children in the world who have clinical evidence of these issues, so I know what the problems can be. And both are overwhelmingly popular excuses for when a kid acts up.

And yet, somehow, parents of children with these issues manage to teach them how to behave in public and in other people’s home. I suspect it has more to do with the permissiveness at home (or lack of constraints when they are allowed out of the home) than any functional issues with their mental well-being.

My twin have a group of D&D players they have been gaming with for the past year. Over the summer, we swapped hosting with another family on alternating weekends so they could still game as a wedge was driven between them with school closures. For the most part, I think the group are good kids.

Three, however, had pushed me to the limit this past weekend and I am done with allowing hosting for their games.

Guess what? When they act up, that is their excuse. “I am [on the spectrum/have ADHD].”

All three are more interested in talking than playing and will yell to be heard, so the cats all hide and you can hear a din coming from outside the house. I can almost accept that, although they often don’t talk about the game they are playing, they use mild swears (especially the two boys) and they are overly rowdy… fine… they are tween/early teen.

But when they see some of the blue painter’s tape and help themselves to it to make “toys” for my kittens, leave piles of bits of paper all over, wander the house, need a “break” to go outside and talk at the top of their lungs so our neighbors have to endure them, one comments about “oh great, cat smell” upon entering our home, knowing we have multiple cats, stand on the said cats’ scratching furniture while talking over everyone about Green Day instead of dungeons or dragons, use my drinking glasses for bells, chasing the cats because they were fun to watch scramble…

It was Grímnir bringing me his new “toy” like a he was almost embarrassed to be handing it to me (yes, he does bring me things that he finds concerning, sometimes not pleasant things) where I started to loose it. Then, one of the twins begging them to respect our neighbors by not being so loud. Then the wandering into the bedrooms. Then the crazy behavior because they are “weirdos” while the other kids sat in shocked silence…

I told one of my daughters they needed to find a different place to play D&D after everyone left. I said that I wasn’t sure I could do it anymore. She said that she wasn’t sure that SHE could deal with those kids in her home again.

I’ve never read anywhere where having any of those conditions they claim to have makes it acceptable to act in that way.

That’s a failure of parenting. The other kids are welcome. The quieter ones. The ones who seemed embarrassed by the three.

Those three. They can find something else to do. Not at my home.