some strange feelings
come with that fragment
a song not heard since
the late 80s
part is loath to stream it
knowing that moment
of remembrance will
be ruined
the other part wants
to let it play loud
until the kids tell me
turn it down
in the meantime
i fidget with the memory
trying to recall what it is
i think i recall
sin
18 responses to “sin”
For those looking for a rare moment of my explaining my writing in the comments, this is frankly one of the more straightforward pieces I have written and the astute can maybe figure it all out if they are so inclined, but I’ll save you the hassle.
Earlier today I heard a fragment of “It’s a Sin” by the Pet Shop Boys. I wasn’t even a casual fan of the band. I found them inoffensive, but largely not all that interesting when compared to the other choices I had in 1987 for music to listen to. I honestly have not heard this song since the early 90s, at the latest and probably not past 1989. No vinyl, no CDS, no cassettes of their albums, although I had a friend who tried very hard to convince me to remedy that omission in my home library. Very hard.
For some reason, however, there is a lingering memory that I cannot seem to unlock that the fragment triggered.
I subsequently caved in and listened to the whole song to see if it would unlock that memory, but it is locked up tight and won’t wiggle-jiggle loose. I am left only with a sense of sadness — not that the song itself is a joyous one, but I’m not sure why it triggered that emotion upon hearing the whole thing.
Maybe it will come to me in a dream. Or maybe I’ll just be left with a sense of something missing when I think of it.
Funny how memory works at times.
Well, it was a quintessential 80’s song, so your memory prob just ties it to that. I like What have I done to deserve this, ‘cause Dusty Springfield. And Postscript: “I remember ecstasy/the times we’ve had both you and me/friends we’ve met along the way/partied every night and day/and we never will again”
I was so far outside the mainstream music scene at the time, I’m surprised I heard it enough to stick.
My family skewed Manilow, so that’s what I can recite from memory today. Or Chad Mitchell Trio… Oh, the horrors I could inflict!
Sic: “And I know we’ll meet again.”
Memory’s a weird creature. Sometimes something I’d barely remembered comes back to me at the slightest prompt, other times you spend forever trying to get a grip on something of significance which teases you from just outside the boundary of memory. I have one of these latter, and it came to me, at last. Let the song play in your head and don’t try too hard; it might take a while, but it’ll come – or not.
It was just an odd fragment. I recall the song, but I have no real connection to it that I can recall.
My best guess is that the memory has something to do with one of a handful of alcohol-free dance clubs I used to prowl (I was underage). That’s where I would have heard it most often, as I almost never tuned into the radio or television (still don’t).
But for the life of me, the connection is lost in the void. For now or forever, who knows?
It might surprise you. When I was about 20 I went into a pub in London with my husband and friends, and was immediately hit by a pleasant smell which triggered some sort of memory. I couldn’t place it for the life of me, and it tormented me for a while. Then one day it came to me; when I was a small child the entire family used to converge on my paternal grandmother’s house on Sunday afternoons. My father was one of eleven children, so it got pretty crowded in her small two-up, two-down house. Grandma was in her late seventies, not very mobile, and used to hold court from an armchair by the fireplace. She’d been prescribed two bottles of milk stout – as in Guinness – by the doctor for the iron content (I think) and other good ingredients. In any case, back then it was often prescribed, for the elderly and pregnant women too. Whatever, she had her two bottles every day, and lived well into her eighties – and it was the smell of draught Guinness in the London pub which had triggered the memory about 16 years later. I’d never even consciously registered it as a child, but something in my brain had stored it automatically. So I guess you picked it up in one of those dance clubs without even realising, and it may yet surprise you with the exact memory of where. Isn’t the human brain great? 🙂
I still wish I knew what the memory was lol.
But yeah, occasionally I’ll run into the odd smell that reminds me of a different time. Mostly traveling to various relative’s houses all summer long.
Stout — I used to call it my “daily bread” and pretend to offer up prayers before I took my first sip. Ahh, the days.
If it ever comes to you do let me know. 🙂
Triggers. Not always sure, if you can track then, that they lead you to the moment you thought they would. Perhaps it is better to try to recall what you think you recall.
But is it so straightforward?Part of me wonders if there is. a very good reason I don’t remember certain things. Part of it is alcoholism, I’m sure. But I am increasingly wondering if my mind has purposely blocked some memories. It has that kind of vibe to it.
Yes, I can see that. Without wishing to sound like a therapist 😱 these blocked memories might be the most troublesome and hard to resolve. Unless, of course, the reality of those events wasn’t as bad as our memory would have us believe; from personal experience I know that somethings happened in my past that I have no recollection of. Untrustworthy thing, memory.
Definitely not something you can trust without collaborative POVs. And even then, selectiveness plays a role.
I want tumultuous relationship with the 80s having worked in hospitality all the way through the 90s it seems like the 80s revival began in 1991.
I remember running a music night middle of the 1990s. Titled the “80s was shit and don’t you forget it” it featured only alternative goth, punk, New wave and heavy 80s music plus soundtracks and was a huge hit. Now as I grow older, I tend to hear the music I deemed to be avoided for almost 40 years coming pre-loaded with a ton of baggage.
I unironically listened to the 7” single Footloose last week for the first time since I was in junior school. That song is a monster.
I’d plumb forgotten about this song. It was odd to hear just a snippet and be transported to another place.
Footloose. I hear it occasionally because the kiddos want to listen to 80s “oldies” when we drive places. I still would prefer to avoid it, probably because it reminds me of a time when I was more awkward than what I am today.
Songs will do that to you Michael! They have a habit of lodging themselves in that corner of the brain you didn’t even know existed! Or it could be a fragment of the song.
For decades I couldn’t listen to Marvin Gaye’s ‘Sexual Healing’ because it was played a lot at a time when an earlier boyfriend dumped me out of the blue!! Ouch!
I hope your memory of the Pet Shop Boys song turns out to be more pleasant!
Thanks for sharing.
Sharon 🥰
It was probably something really angsty around that time period, which would explain why memory is vague.
Marvin Gaye, now that’s someone who I haven’t thought about on a while. I might have to spin/stream some times while I work.
Thanks Michael! Oh, Marvin Gaye despite that song is one of my favourite artists of all time!
Enjoy! 🤗
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