As I committed to myself and anyone who bothered actually reading the content of my posts about the matter in either sphere, I killed my Instagram and Facebook accounts tonight. A couple of days earlier than some might expect, but my only commitment to everyone was that the accounts would cease to exist in the waning days and hours of 2025. Reach out if you want to stay in contact, I said.
If I was expecting a flood of people saying “don’t leave us!” (I wasn’t), I might have been disappointed in the response. I was expecting nothing and got a trickle instead, so I count those few blessings.
I am left with the overall opinion: Good riddance.
A few folks reached out (or I, to them) and we agreed to keep in contact, but I am actually doubtful that any but one or two will follow through, even if I initiate the process myself. The idea is a grand one, but in my experience, few people follow through on maintaining those kinds of relationships. Maybe I’m just not relationship-keeping material? Men and women that I was close to at one time seem to have moved on from our formerly tight friendships. Or maybe I am no good at playing the social games anymore. Maybe I never was very good at it and they humored me. I tend to lean towards the latter, in all honesty. I really don’t know.
Those two sites are now in the rearview mirror, as are the people still lingering there. For all of the change you could expect out of people, some as many as 40 years past, it is surprising just how many people are still living pretty much unchanged from when I saw them on a more frequent basis. Maybe we don’t change over time as much as we like to believe… Maybe that is a myth we cling to, and it is only the backdrops that have moved on?
I know I sound bitter in this post, but I promise that I am not. I’m just considering these things with a critical eye, mostly to try and comprehend what I failed to understand about interpersonal communications throughout the years. I’ve made mistakes and showed poor judgment my fair share of the time, but I have always tried to be a stand-up kind of person who could be relied upon. You know: good friend material. But none of it ever seems to have staying power.
Maybe I’ve just chosen the wrong people to be friends with.
And, if I’m being generous to myself (which does not come easy by a long shot), maybe that was the problem all along.
As I said, I have exercised poor judgment in the past, and that might be my biggest critical flaw. Perhaps I will show more wisdom in the future. Perhaps the backdrop will not be the only thing to change.
8 responses to “Well, that’s done”
Great post. What I have read of your posts, you are changing with the backdrop. We forget that. Even if we have gone to the same job for the last 20 years; policies change. People retire. People get hired. Our bodies change. Not always in a good way. We learn things. We forget things. Sometimes that is a good thing. The backdrop is always in motion. As are we. If those people care about you, they will reach out.
Thank you for your thoughts.
I’m not even sure what I’m trying to get at with my post. Maybe it’s the sensation that I’m realizing just now how outside the cliques I have always been. It’s an odd realization.
No worries.
You’ve read some of my thoughts. I’m a firm believer that wring stuff down. Even if you don’t share it, has tremendous value.
Fundamentally I don’t think we ever change. We like to think that we do, but maybe that’s just wishful thinking.
People we knew in the past tend to come in and last for the length of moment that suits us – but there’s no point trying to go back (yes, I’ve had those times) – the moment is gone.
Bad choices? All made them, but it’s relative and a matter of perspective. Perhaps the best we can hope for is to learn from them and use them as a creative focus. Ha, now THAT’S wishful thinking!
Great Post. Lots to think on.
I am tempted to think that there is a certain point in our growth when someone applies a social fixative to us, and most of us look to stay in that place in spite of a changing world around us. I think I managed to fake being more outwardly social when I was younger (somewhat fueled my cigarettes, drink and audacity), but my extended dropping out after going sober somehow contributed to my being unable to play the game any more. Just a guess on my part.
Thanks!
I don’t think your experience is unique, Michael. I make no secret of the fact that I’d never have joined social media had I not written books and wanted to give them exposure and hopefully gain a few readers. I’ve been on for 5.5 years now, and had a few ‘close’ friendships, most of which have ended at some point because I’ve got better at forming boundaries in my old age and objected to having those boundaries breached. I try to treat other people as I’d like to be treated, meaning good manners and kindness; but if they don’t meet those criteria then it’s goodbye. It’s been hurtful when it’s happened, and like you I’ve accused myself of poor judgement, but it’s just the way of the world and people. On the plus side, the few good friends I’ve kept hold of are pretty good – although far from perfect and can be irritating at times. Being imperfect myself I can’t expect perfection from others; indeed, I dont believe the condition exists in human form. I’ve had other negative experiences on social media, been ambushed by narcissists, let down by a friend who promised something I didn’t ask for and then didn’t deliver – you get the idea. I don’t blame you for losing those accounts, I have a very slight hold on Facebook these days, and I wonder about my Instagram account, although I’ve got quite a few connections there that I’d like to hang on to, so the account stays. It’s difficult, but don’t beat yourself up. You have company. 🙂
I know all of those kinds of people. I’ve a few of those same connections that would be nice to hang onto, but I’ve decided that that balance is in favor of walking away from the distraction of social media.
I don’t beat myself up too much. I have made really bad choices in real life friends that I acknowledge now. The better to not repeat those mistakes. 😊
It’s a good start to a new year. All the best. 🙂