I’ve decided that I need to get out into the real world and step away from my man cave in the basement more often. Although I am not much of a people-person, I have been feeling the need for face-to-face human interaction from people other than family members.
Essentially, I’m looking to take a break from extreme isolation that has been the hallmark of my existence since I elected to sober up. Over the past 16 years, I’ve largely forgotten how to socialize, which is starting to wear a bit on my psyche.
On a lark last night, I went to two different game stores that not only sell physical games (cards, board, pen and paper), but have areas set aside for the community to play games. I was quickly reminded why I don’t much care for that community: it tends to lean chauvinistic and into “adult adolescent” (30-year-old’s trapped in a 12-year-old boy’s mindset) male culture.
Some of the players seemed offended that my eldest daughter was accompanying me as we browsed games to consider bringing home to play with the rest of the family. Sexual innuendos said loud enough for her to hear and most definitely warning against trying to join in on their precious games of Magic: The Gathering (or similar games).
No Girls Allowed mentality. Only “real men”/boy’s club can participate.
It was sad and disgusting, but saved me from the effort of trying to see how to join in on such game sessions and I quickly crossed it off my list of potential ways to participate in being social. And, to boot, someone got into a lengthy argument about technicalities of gameplay instead of just playing. I play games for fun, not to argue minutia in order to win a hand at what is essentially a modified cardstock form of rock, paper, or scissors. It was off-putting to hear two grown men argue in their whiny, nasally voices over a single attack in a card battle.
Joining a curling team seems like it might be fun, but my body has been hurting a lot of late and the costs to actually get involved in the sport are not insignificant.
I may investigate further all the same, as I find the ice-equivalent to throwing horseshoes to have some appeal. It is a game simple in theory, complex in practice. But maybe not at the present moment, not until I can get the gumption to call people for more information on trying out the sport for a few hours to see if it is something my body will handle. You’d think the necessary information would be plainly evident online, but they don’t seem to be willing to share the information all that readily.
So I put on my thinking cap and ended up semi-deciding that I might start attending writing workshops again. The last time I did, I was so turned off by some in the community that I walked away from the local writing scene completely.
That was shortly before I entered my sobriety. I won’t go into the details, but there was a certain cattiness from the participants in several workshops and at least one of the workshop instructors (whose writing criticisms were often unfair and based on stylistic preferences rather than on merit; and notably harsher for all men in the group while being much milder critiques for younger, attractive women).
I’ve gained some maturity since then, and could care less about the popularity contest that triggered much of my distaste back then. I’m hoping that by going to a handful of these workshops, I can see ways in which I can improve my fiction — specifically, flash fiction and short stories.
I’ve started moving away from being interested in writing novels and I have gone back to being more invested in writing short-form fiction when I am not writing poetry. The two sessions I am planning on signing up for, a day session and a 4-wk (1 day/wk) session I am looking to explore are laser focused on flash fiction. And they are in-person workshops (as opposed to online), so there is always a chance that I could meet someone or several someones that I could interact with outside of the workshop, which may give me an excuse to get out of the basement and out into the public eye once again.
And that, folks, is something that I think I sorely need to do to maintain some sanity in my life. The potential improvements to my writing are secondary to increasing my social sphere.
22 responses to “getting out”
It is difficult. I’m not a very social person, not that into group activities or people in general; yet I can be the life and soul in the right setting. Your problem lies in finding the right setting, and at least you’ve ruled out the toxic places and honed-in on those that interest you – although they won’t necessarily be perfect, as you’ve found in the past. We do all need some sort of social contact; I was living alone some years ago and by Sunday evening I was definitely getting a bit weird with being alone, and looking forward to the office on Monday just to feel like part of the human race again. Best of luck then with your own efforts, and try not to care at all about the ‘popularity contest’. Just be yourself. 🙂
🙂 I surpassed weird so long ago that I’m not sure it is anywhere in view
Hmm. Not sure where you go with that, but best of luck on the way. 🙂
i hear you, Michael. I struggle with the tone(s) of many writing workshops. Maybe most. Last year, though, I had the fortune of stumbling across an opportunity to work with a group that primarily did theatre work. It was just generative, but there was a lively sense of joy and play in the sharing part. I was surprised how much I enjoyed it––and how much new material came from those brief sessions. I was even inspired to try a six week improv, once a week, and found that the class was made of more introverts like me than the more likely-seeming candidates for “that kind of thing.” I only made it to 4 of those 6 weeks, but I had a blast. The concept of “yes, and…” was profound medicine. Had to share : )
Thanks for sharing!
Yeah, I often find that the tone is out of key for someone like myself that is more interested in exploration than in fame and fortune. The competitive elements/environments are a drag.
I’m going to be open-minded going in, but keep my expectations in check. If I can cultivate a different way of seeing flash fiction, I’ll consider it a success — even if overcoming my in-person social anxiety is not in the cards.
Thanks again. It’s always good to hear that I’m not alone in my experiences. 💙
Cheering for you, Michael! : )
…Social…life…. what is that? 🤣 I’m a hermit who’s social life consists of my biological family & Gods – and the occasional animal friend that pops by!
Is it bad that I remember my neighbours Dogs names before theirs….I think at my age sanity might be a unattainable goal 😂
I find Twitch/Discord pretty good for gaming& socialising with fellow gamers – it does depend on what games your into though so can’t really recommend a specific gaming community but it’s worth a look!
I know, right?
I’m afraid I might be an insufferable hermit myself. That crazy old man down the way in a few years…
I might have to check out the discord thing next time that I find a quirky game that I want to chat about. I forget the name of this 2.5D side scroller where you’re a replicant trying to find who disposed of your frame, but that seems like a perfect game to cultivate a social life around. It’s still in beta, but looks to release in early 2026. Seems like a good one to jump into discord with. Which game fandom do you find has the best community?
Well my comfort game since I was 13 was The Sims. There is a lot of controversy right now but for a safely moderated discord that is both sensible, diverse & IMO as ‘safe’ as you could get online. She plays numerous cozy games including Animal Crossing New Horizons, Stardew – She is in the process of branching out but the online community she created is one I have recommended for parents. I’m even in her discord – not that I chat…I’m more of a lurker but her Twitch community is awesome if social interaction is wanted! So on YouTube her channel is Lilsimsie – her live streams are all posted, she is American and very sensible, sensitive & grounded which is hard to find these days. But if I had a daughter – I’d start there & have a nosy 😉
I’m not a huge Sims fan, although I’ve been tempted to try it out for shits and giggles. Nothing against it, and I can see the appeal, but I think I tried a variation on the first PlayStation and couldn’t get wrapped up in it. Maybe because I was too used to building zoos and then unleashing the lions or monkeys on patrons. Mayhem!
I’m guessing she’s similar to the family-friendly stream my twin liked until he called it quits (ZebraGamer). I’ll have to maybe point to her stream when they complain that there is no new content. They like both ACNH and Stardew, although they are on a Breath of the Wild kick now.
Thanks!
So much gatekeeping and fear out there. Be careful with the curling, too-it’s easy to slip on the ice and really hurt yourself. But definitely go out into the world and prosper! You have much to offer for those willing to listen.
A ton of gatekeeping, not all of it entirely sensible.
If there’s a way to hurt myself doing something, I will find it 🤣
Best wishes with your workshops and cheers to trying to new things or returning to them. 😊
Thank you. We’ll see if I fit in, recognizing that I tend to try to approach things from a different angle than many people when it comes to writing.
I understand. Writing is mostly a solitary experience for me, however, connecting with other writers is a valuable experience.
You never know who you might find 🙂
Including yourself 😊
Now there’s a scary thought for this Halloween season 😱
Ha! 👻
That’s bullshit those guys/boys gave you and your daughter a hard time. But definitely give curling a try. I did it for a couple of years up in Canada. It was fun. And the Canadians have a tradition, that the winners have to buy the losers a round of beers. Needless to say, I got a lot of free beer.
Those are the best kind of rules 🙂
I forgot that kind of player existed. It’s sad, really.
I agree. I would think that was long gone by now. Sad.