Odd day today: I found out an old bandmate’s spouse was found unresponsive this morning in bed. Cause of death, TBD. He just woke up next to her and she was no longer there. She was in her early 50s with no real history of chronic illness that I am aware of. He certainly seemed surprised by the news.
I have embraced death and dying as a part of the trade-off for having lived, so I generally don’t have much of a reaction to that kind of news, especially since he and I haven’t been close to a given person in what is approaching 40 years. And I didn’t really know her that well. We shared some private chats without him, mostly because she was concerned about his alcohol consumption and knew I was a non-practicing alcoholic, so she had asked for advice on how to encourage him to slow down or quit. But we’d never met in person that I know about. I barely knew her at all. But I liked her from what I did know.
I feel for this former friend’s loss. He’s going to get massively swamped with sympathy, which might not sound like a bad thing, but how many times can you hear the same “regrets” before you want to pull your hair out? A couple of hundred times, maybe. But potentially thousands of times? And months after the fact, just as you might be getting your life back together?
She played a large role in seeing to a local scifi-fantasy convention’s success and was adored by many of the attendees. Can you image what it will be like at the next con for my friend? Holy shit — the sympathy is going to be verging on oppressive, if you ask me.
So I feel for him, even though we are nothing resembling “close”. This won’t be easy, but at least he has a few good friends who have got his back already.
May her journey be gentle…
12 responses to “Half-penny thoughts — 09dec25”
I have felt death closely in my life, losing my father when I was 20 and my closest friend a couple of years later. Those were hard hits, as death can be for those left behind. There is deep sadness in the missing and finality of it. Reminds me that if there’s anything at all to say, say it. Don’t hide or hold back, just say things. Communication is our connection, period.
May her journey be gentle ❤️ May your friend find peace
I think he has the social support he needs, so I think he’ll be okay.
It’s funny you should mention saying something to a friend while you still can. That’s pretty much my reason for being on Facebook this morning to begin with. There are a handful of folks that need to know they’ve made a positive impact on my life before I shut down my account at the end of the month.
Thanks 💙
Another reason to never miss a chance to be kind to people.
Very true.
That’s sad – unfortunate for both of them. If you’ve ever seen ‘Sleepless in Seattle’ then you’ll have seen the scene where a well-meaning colleague tries to hand Sam a business card for help after Sam’s wife Maggie has passed. Sam pulls out a hundred cards of different therapy and support groups. That’s the kind of sympathy you’re talking about. I hope youor friend gets through okay. 🙁
I vaguely recall that scene. I don’t think folks will do that to him, but there’s always someone willing to prove me wrong.
He has a really large support network (famous authors included), so I think he’ll be taken care of by those folks. I’m hopeful anyway. 😢
No, but it’s an illustration of how everyone wants to help but doesn’t know quite what to do – so they give sympathy, which is about all they can do along with being there as friends. 😐
That’s sad, Michael! 50s is young! 🙏
Very. I’ll tell you that I was caught off guard when I saw the news.
I would be too, Michael! It kind of makes you feel you have to make the most of every single day! Sorry for the news! 🙏
Powerful post, Michael. As one who has a natural aversion to the kinds of comments you imagine flooding in at this time, so I feel compelled to share with you at this moment that my love for embracing such chilling truths with dark humor makes it impossible not to notice that there are occasions in life where it would feel so right to be wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with the words: “I have embraced death and dying as a part of the trade-off for having lived.” Thank you for this image.
😊 perhaps I should sell it on Etsy.
I’m afraid my own macabre sense of humor is off-putting for many people when I let it slip out, do i completely get where you’re coming from.
As such, your suggestion brings a much needed grin to my face. I’ll let witnesses wonder what I’ve been up to. Thank you for that. 💕