Odd day today: I found out an old bandmate’s spouse was found unresponsive this morning in bed. Cause of death, TBD. He just woke up next to her and she was no longer there. She was in her early 50s with no real history of chronic illness that I am aware of. He certainly seemed surprised by the news.
I have embraced death and dying as a part of the trade-off for having lived, so I generally don’t have much of a reaction to that kind of news, especially since he and I haven’t been close to a given person in what is approaching 40 years. And I didn’t really know her that well. We shared some private chats without him, mostly because she was concerned about his alcohol consumption and knew I was a non-practicing alcoholic, so she had asked for advice on how to encourage him to slow down or quit. But we’d never met in person that I know about. I barely knew her at all. But I liked her from what I did know.
I feel for this former friend’s loss. He’s going to get massively swamped with sympathy, which might not sound like a bad thing, but how many times can you hear the same “regrets” before you want to pull your hair out? A couple of hundred times, maybe. But potentially thousands of times? And months after the fact, just as you might be getting your life back together?
She played a large role in seeing to a local scifi-fantasy convention’s success and was adored by many of the attendees. Can you image what it will be like at the next con for my friend? Holy shit — the sympathy is going to be verging on oppressive, if you ask me.
So I feel for him, even though we are nothing resembling “close”. This won’t be easy, but at least he has a few good friends who have got his back already.
May her journey be gentle…
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