…something had happened to him in his late twenties that seemed to manoeuvre him away from other people, not just his friends, but from the normal course of human affairs. He’d begin to catch people exchanging glances whenever he spoke up in group situations; or they would be half smiling when he entered the offices and warehouses he worked in, but he never stayed for very long before he moved on to something else equally unsatisfactory. Invitations to join others lessened, then ceased before he was thirty-two. Only damaged and insecure women seemed to find comfort in his company, though they had little interest in him besides his being a confirming presence. By thirty-four he was lonely. Lonely. Genuinely.
…[U]nless he was talking to Hutch alone, his every attempt to start a conversation in the group had been treated like an ill-thought-out statement, or just ignored. No one even tried to pick up the threads he started. Most often there would be a silence and then the other three would fall back into whatever natural camaraderie they had rediscovered.
~ Adam Nevill, The Ritual: A Novel
Luke’s thoughts are relatable. Very much so.
He’s the outsider at a reunion of former university roommates who have gone on a hike in remote Sweden together on holiday. Then, as things go from bad to worse, the restraint everyone shows begins to dissolve and their weaknesses emerge. Luke’s weakness is his lack of belonging, Hutch is a know-it-all people-pleaser to a fault, Dom is that “fun guy” that has to have someone to pick on to retain the title (Luke is the butt of most of Dom’s jokes), and Phil is the sad sap that always goes along with the crowd — even when innovation, fresh thinking and the courage to step up is absolutely required to solve the problems a given crowd encounters.
Luke is the outsider at a reunion of former university roommates who have gone on a hike in remote Sweden together on holiday. Then, as things go from bad to worse, the restraint everyone shows begins to dissolve and their weaknesses emerge. Luke’s weakness is his lack of belonging, Hutch is a know-it-all people-pleaser to a fault, Dom is that “fun guy” that has to have someone to pick on to retain the title (Luke is the butt of most of Dom’s jokes), and Phil is the sad sap that always goes along with the crowd — even when innovation, fresh thinking and the courage to step up is absolutely required to solve the problems a given crowd encounters.
Luke leverages his “weakness” (at least so far in the book, and I forget how the movie handled it). He’s a loner and that is looking to be an asset in the group’s current situation [I am about 45% through the story].
I come from a similar background before my current iteration as a “professional”, father and homeowner. Few true responsibilities, jack-of-all-trades, low income, apartment-to-apartment living (sometimes basement dwelling at a friend’s or relative’s home). Freedom without the money to explore it much. Around the same age, I started having similar experiences.
And I don’t know that they’ve stopped. Spoiler: I’m not very relatable these days, especially after I went sober and cut the smokes. I can’t seem to connect to most people very well at all anymore without those two social crutches.
I’m curious if people think this is just a natural progression for some people? Do the Luke’s of the world just age out of being social? Or do you think there is an element of a trigger that puts them on this path towards being a solitary individual? Or have they always been solitary individuals who had a the conditions exactly right for a period where they were tricked into thinking otherwise?
I’m not looking for amateur psychoanalysis of my own condition (to cut off anyone’s temptation to do so at the pass), I am more interested in your general thoughts about the “social outsiders” amongst us.
25 responses to “Half-penny Thoughts — 13nov25”
I am one. I can’t explain it, and I offer no apologies for it. It’s just me.
There is a point, isn’t there, where you get weary of trying. Right? I hear you.
From a fellow social outsider/outlier I have contemplated the entire scope of humans and being social. With the likelihood of there being an entire other scope I will contemplate regarding this later. lol.
I think human beings have natural tendencies to shrink their social engagements and connections from several things, age and experience. But as for us, I think it becomes an individual group of things like personality, life experiences and such that make us stand out either in our own minds or in others. I believe I know what my set of details is that have created it.
I liked the ritual by the way
The book or the movie? I enjoyed the movie and the book is fairly consistent with my memories of the film so far.
At least you can point to the likely event. For me, I was the odd duck throughout childhood, then a brief period from about 16 to 25 where I had no issues making friends and acquaintances. And then that ability started slipping away.
Now I’ve reverted back to being that odd duck who says the awkward things around people who move slowly away from me when I open my mouth.
So it goes.
I liked the book first, then the movie. I don’t read a lot of fiction and it has to have some philosophical components if I do. Occasionally though I will start to watch a movie and stop to see if I can read it first. On this occasion it worked out for me.
There wasn’t a singular event actually. There was a childhood wrought with a lot of shitty things that totaled ‘odd’ for me and then there’s a personality type, then there’s experiences, then there a lack of.
For myself, even though there were years I looked social I never was and never ever fit into any group of people. Ever actually. There were years I tried, definitely. It never worked, which means I can understand the way you’ve described you at least on some level.
I wonder,
Maybe as we get older and care about many thing less, become either more content or complacent with ourselves and others that the need changes or shifts into us being odd but accepted. By us. I don’t really know
Well, you’ve always been welcome on my sites, EC. I’m glad to see that you’re back to putting up posts again yourself. I’m looking forward to reading your new writing.
As I think about it, you’ve probably hit on one of the key components — I’ve tried to be social and, for a spell it seemed like I was successful at it. But in reality, as I look back at those times, I begin to wonder if I was fooling myself.
“Back onto the island for misfit toys, Michael! Off you go…”
And I do find myself caring less about the things that seemed so very important when I was younger. It probably has an impact on my current mood. Another great thought, thanks.
By your comment I hear that you have lore than one site…. Clearly I’m navigation challenged. Share with me when you have the time, what I’m missing
The previous iteration of this site is at sceadugenga.com, but has been converted to mostly a rune lore reference.
The original posts from that site are mostly achieved at https://walksinshadows.wordpress.com, although I have removed some recent material and in the past have “cleaned house” and taken earlier content offline.
That’s about it for semi-maintained sites.
This is my primary site any more.
Got it! Thank you 😊
As Too Short would say, unapologetically: “Get In Where You Fit In.”🙂
There is the problem, however, of not being able to find a “fit in” to “get in”. 🙂
I know there’s a fit in for every soul. One of yours is right here.
🤔
I really need a new bad habit. It distracts me from being awkward.
I think that’s all bad habits really are. Too bad they’re so destructive. The human condition, I guess.
Man, I miss the smokes today…
You got this.
Hmm, I think as I age I’m more “selectively social”. I went from being super shy, to super outgoing, then to painfully shy throughout my entire life, and now I’m like “I like people and spending time with people, but when I want to.” If there are a lot of people at a function I get nervous, or if I’m unsure how to respond to someone or worrying if my response was okay that gets me to want to avoid everyone, but then sometimes with certain people I’m relaxed. I guess I love “my people” and have to just feel out the room and my own comfort level.
I get that. I am thankful that you and I seem to be on the same wavelength, and you aren’t digitally scooting away from me whenever I reach out 😅
“WOW Michael, look at all these widgets that need to be made. I’ll reach out to you when I am done, but it will be a loooooong time before I am done! Sorrynotsorry!”
Thanks, Jenn 💙
You’re a “real one” as they say haha No need to scoot away from you 🙂
As a social outsider, we tend to leave when there’s stupidity amongst the “established” comradery. Jokes and fun are at an outsider’s expense and always without apology.
And we’re always declared the killjoy when we say enough is enough. Then get belittled for being “thin-skinned”, adding injury to the insult.
I hear you.
I haven’t read this book, but from your description they all sound like ‘social outsiders’, and I tend to think there are more of those than we realise. People put on masks and pretend at times, because they want to be on the ‘inside’ and feel uncomfortable with being their real self. The pressure to conform is huge, from childhood upwards, and I think those who end up behaving and being seen as ‘outsiders’ are those who are strong enough to do so. I became an outsider at the age of five because, for some reason best known to my mother, I started school on the second day of term rather than the first. The other kids had buddied-up and those left for me were ‘social outsiders’: the policeman’s daughter (it was a rough area), the girl who didn’t have a father but lots of ‘uncles’ etc. I guess that taught me something, and I’ve never quite fitted ever since – but I can put up a good show if I have to. I can do conformity when it’s not that important, but not over really important things: I never allowed myself to be pressured into having children that I didn’t want – and there was considerable pressure – but I know more than a few women who did. Enough now; but I do wonder how many there are – like some of the guys in the book – who are pretending.
I can’t imagine you would like this book, as it dips a toe in the horror end of the pool. 🙀
Sorry to hear about the ostracization upon entering school. Kids can be mean. I had my own fair share of that kind of behavior as well and I did go on the first day of class. Part of my school problem was that I enjoyed discovery and learning in an era where even teachers would mock the “nerd” or consider me “uppity” because I learned quickly. I needed to be brought down to size so Sally and Johnny didn’t feel bad about their lack of interest in learning. Teachers!
The guys in the book are all disasterpieces, as they are admitting (those still around to admit it) halfway into the book. Socially “acceptable”, but struggling to maintain the status quo. The outcast is better equipped to deal with their situation than the other three because he has fewer dependencies.
Anyway, while some loners are maybe better equipped to survive the “zombie apocalypse” (not this story), I’m not 100% convinced that they would be against camaraderie without conditions, if it were to present itself.
Like how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, the world may never know.
No, I’m not into horror, although I do read some on occasion. Your comment about the loner having fewer dependencies, therefore coping better, strikes a chord. If you don’t give a f*** about others’ opinions and fitting in it does make coping easier I agree. And thanks for your concern, reciprocated by me. It wasn’t a huge problem, I guess I just accepted it as the way things were, and in my case it made it easier to concentrate on learning, which I lived. I was fortunate that I had good, encouraging teachers, to whom I related more than the other kids. They encouraged me, and I’m sorry you didn’t have the same positive experience. I suspect yours was the more usual one too; some teachers can be very strange, and I sometimes wonder if they’re part of the cause of ‘terrible teen’ behaviour, which I didn’t do. I mean, I did things I wasn’t supposed to, but quietly, not making a fuss or big deal about it. Parents – mine, at any rate – are more inclined to grant leeway if you’re polite and obliging about other things. Whatever. Good to discuss this with you. The older I get the more I discover about everyone being messed up in one way or another. ‘Normal’? No such thing. 😎 Have a good week.
You too, thanks for your thoughts!