What compels a person to be mean just to be mean?
I am thinking of a couple of scenarios I’ve encountered lately, but when you dial back the vision and look at things 10k feet up in the sky, there seems to be a lot of mean-spirited shit going on at this time. Why?
I mean, people are getting off on someone else’s misery as our country goes off the rails. And it isn’t just my country where certain people are reveling in the miserly of other people… There’s evidence of it all over the place in this world, like 00s 4chan took over everyone’s sensibilities. People are obsessed with keeping score on who pwn’d who.
And sometimes it isn’t as aggressive as “owning the [xxxx]”. Sometimes it is this crazy need some people seem to have to make sure that you know that they think your interests are unimportant. “I went to a flag football match on Saturday…,” might be countered with: “Ugh, how anyone can find joy in that is beyond me.” Was it necessary to inject that comment? Did it somehow add to the conversation? Did you ask yourself if you might sound like an ass before you said it out loud? Do you even care that you sound like an ass?
Or: “Let’s go out for drinks.”
“I can’t, I’ve got stuff to do around the house. Sorry.”
“Why are you such a stick-in-the-mud these days, dickweed? You always have stuff to do. Ever since you moved in with your girlfriend, you never have time for us anymore. Fuck off and die, loser.”
I wish I could say that example was an exaggeration, but I’ve heard something like it (with modifications to protect the guilty even though I owe them nothing and they would never read this anyway).
And maybe I’m just grabbing low-hanging fruit today. But, man, I really don’t get why people are mean, seemingly just to be mean.
I’m very likely misquoting the following, but it is how I remember Death saying it: “It’s just as easy to be kind to someone as it is to be cruel. And it’s a heck of a lot more fun.” [I believe this comes from “The High Cost of Living”, the miniseries of comics about a day in the life of Sandman’s Death, but I could be very wrong. Seeing as I can never find it online and don’t have time to read the books to find it, we’ll just roll with my misquote.]
I don’t have a solution, only questions. Maybe it isn’t my turn to answer. I’m just saying that if Death thought it was important to be kind, why can’t regular folks be at least as kind?
17 responses to “Mean”
Well said. Bravo! Thank you, Michael.
Thank you 💙
These are great questions, and we’ll be grappling with them for awhile. But I think the world got bigger with the internet. And some folks don’t like that. Heck, people were burned to death saying the earth wasn’t the center of creation, or that the universe is infinite.
Yeah. Something broke a little with the internet. I hate to think of it as the root of all evil, but it likes to challenge me on that.
Kindness is seen as weakness, therefore, meanness must mean strength. And I agree with Bob–I think the Internet has a lot to do with it. Early on, people became keyboard warriors, typing stuff onto bulletin boards that they would be too timid to say to someone’s face. I think that hubris has spread to the real world. It’s beyond tragic.
I agree with both of you. It is easy to say mean things when you have a mask. And then people forgot they ever needed a mask. Very tragic.
Just my personal thoughts, the human default is mean. It takes work to be nice. Most people don’t take the time. It’s all about me and what’s going on with me. With that being said, being kind not only helps the other person, it helps you too. Again; personal opinion, it feels better to make someone smile than to make them cry.
Maybe you’re right. Everything starts out as egocentric survival instinct to control resources. It takes effort to see that sharing and kindness is collectively better for the individual and the group.
I know what you mean. My personal default is to be kind to others, but there’s so much nastiness around these days that I have to restrain myself to not join in on occasions. Maybe people have such sad lives that they feel the need to bring others who seem happier down to their own level? Jealous? We’ve just had Easter – the time when some people celebrate the life of a guy who was crucified for suggesting that we all be nicer to each other. Not wanting to get too involved in what’s happening over your way, I can’t help wondering about the people who laughed along when he made fun of a disabled person in front of a huge crowd – and they’re all out there now, cheering along as the most vulnerable are victimised. We have it here too, riots over migrants last summer. People feel disadvantaged, that they’re not getting a big enough slice of the pie that they deserve to have – and they hit out at those who they see getting it instead. I don’t know the answer, but I’ll try to keep on being kind, even if with gritted teeth on occasion. 🙁
Yeah I have to agree with most of what you say. I honestly don’t know how people can preach one thing and turn around to act uncharitably in almost the same breath.
I never have understood.
Me too. And we probably never will. 😐
Yes, you see it all the time, but it’s beyond me as to what pleasure anyone derives from such cruelty. I would say insecurities but then aren’t alot of us insecure about who we are or certain situations without resorting to being unkind?
Certainly social media has a lot to answer for as it is easy to spout vitriol whilst hiding, but openly spoken cruelty is abhorrent.
Great questions.
All of the schoolyard bullies have come out to play and we’re just realizing now how many of them have always lurked in the shadows, biding their time.
It’s unfortunate for all of them that Death is wiser, faster and has more impact in the universe. They should pay more attention. Death certainly is.
Good point.
We’ll all be getting our visit from her eventually.
Sadly there will always be people who think kindness equals weakness. If anything it’s the opposite – you have to be very strong to have a gentle kindness in this world – maybe one day we will live in a world where kindness, empathy & compassion are seen as strengths – I can hope 😉
That makes two of us with that hope. Maybe if enough of us dare to hope, something better can come along.