Letting go

As prepared for the inevitability of such things when your vet calls you up with blood work results and does a lot of heavy sighing during the conversation, it is never easy to accept that a pet is dying. And probably faster than you had hoped.

One of my Maine Coons, Fennekin (named after the Pokémon), has been ill for a while. She was borderline having kidney issues a year ago, but it rapidly progressed until she was showing the beginnings of kidney failure just a month or so ago.

She was promptly put on a special diet with additive to help her kidneys. We thought we saw improvement, even. Until we didn’t.

Last night, she refused her dinner. And treats. She loves treats and loves that she’s been getting stinky, fishy, wet food while the others get kibble. She skipped breakfast and went into a space away from everyone. She refused lunch.

We’re taking her into the vet today, not expecting to bring her home. For thousands of dollars, they can keep her alive. Maybe a month or two. Maybe as little as three days. But her death is inevitable. And soon.

There are people who will spend their life savings keeping a pet alive without once questioning if the pet has any meaningful quality of life while they are kept alive on infusions and tubes. I’m not that kind of person, which will upset some readers. I ask myself, as miserable as she looks right now, if Fenn would thank me for the ordeal or if she might be happier without feeling so damned sick.

And it makes me a little ill myself to know that I have pretty much made the decision that if they can’t keep her alive for the long weekend through some magic so everyone can say goodbye, I’m okay with letting her go.

The appointment is in less than 90 minutes. We’ll see what they say then, but the prognosis from my perspective is not good. She looks like she feels horrible.

What I will miss most is her trilling as she follows me around, wanting me to talk to her, give her a scratch under the chin.

better days

27 responses to “Letting go”

  1. lyndhurstlaura Avatar

    Michael, I’m so sorry, but I know exactly what you’re going through. Our last cat, Puss, got kidney disease back in 2007; we realised something was wrong when she started drinking far more than usual. She was a Burmese cross, and apparently they’re prone to it. The vet gave us some pills, but you know cats and pills. She went downhill very fast, couldn’t groom herself, slept a lot more, double incontinence and then bad smell due to kidneys malfunctioning. We got the vet in fast, and she was so unhappy with so little quality of life that I didn’t hesitate to send her to peace. I still miss her, almost 20 years later, but I know I did the right thing for her, as I know you’ll do. We have our memories of all the love we shared, and we’ll never lose that. Thinking of you. ❤️‍🩹💔

    1. michael raven Avatar

      It was the right decision. She was not comfortable. Her kidneys had produced large stones that were blocking her from being able to urinate properly, so it was just dribbling everywhere. Glad I had them go ahead with the X-rays. There was a good chance we would have found her dead tomorrow morning as far as things had progressed. She’s someplace better.

      1. lyndhurstlaura Avatar

        You did the right thing for her. She’s comfortable and peaceful now, and you’ll remember her that way. ❤️‍🩹🩷

        1. michael raven Avatar

          Yep. Thanks 💙

  2. erroneouschoices Avatar

    Such a beautiful little baby. I have a kitty, two sort of, one for sure. Losing beloveds in our lives shifts us a tiny bit. ❤️ Much love dear

    1. michael raven Avatar

      Thank you Natalie. She is finally able to find comfort tonight. 🐾💙

  3. missparker0106 Avatar

    I am so sorry–it’s never easy. I’ve been a cat mom since my first cat adopted me 40 years ago and have suffered the heartache of losing beloved fur babies over the years. The latest was Sylvie in March 2023. I vowed that was it–she was my baby for 21 years and I just couldn’t do it again…until I met Ziggy. His affection and guardianship got me through 3 surgeries and chemo over the past 3 years. He adopted me when he was almost 2–he’ll be 5 in August. Due to my age, he’ll be the last one, for sure. But every day I’m grateful for him.

    And don’t even give a second thought to what others may think of your decision. Every case is unique, and only you know your cat well enough to know when the time has come. Sending hugs of strength and healing.

    1. michael raven Avatar

      Thank you.

      It was time. The stones she’d grown were going to make her go toxic sometime this weekend. Plus she refused to eat even her favorite treats in a tube.

      I’ll miss that little girl.

  4. sopantooth Avatar

    It always sucks, I don’t know what else to say, it just sucks

    1. michael raven Avatar

      It does suck super hard. But I’ll have fond memories of her and that’s the important part. She was a good kitty.

  5. The Creative Chic Avatar

    Oh no, I’m so sorry!

    1. michael raven Avatar

      Thank you Jennifer 🐾 💕

  6. Chico’s Mom Avatar

    😢🙏🏻💔

    1. michael raven Avatar

      Thank you Jolene 💕

  7. Bob Avatar

    Never an easy decision. But the right one. My condolences.

    1. michael raven Avatar

      Thank you. She’s at peace now.

  8. chrisnelson61 Avatar

    You have both my sympathy and empathy, Michael – I have been in this place too many times. It’s difficult too, when the dust settles, not to wonder ‘what if’, but you have to do what is right for your pets, and not act selfishly for yourself.

    1. michael raven Avatar

      The attending vet was in full agreement that it was probably time and encouraged it as appropriate, so the decision was slightly easier. Thanks Chris 🐾

      1. chrisnelson61 Avatar

        ❤️🐈‍⬛🐈❤️

  9. shredbobted Avatar

    sorry bud. we keep them and give them wonderful lives, and at the end we have the power to take the pain away for everyone but ourselves. it’s the right decision but it still hurts. Fen thanks you for everything.

    1. michael raven Avatar

      Well, I need to get used to it, I still have five others that will likely pass before I do. I feel bad for the kiddos, but as I tell them, the sadness of death is what gives meaning to the joy of having them with us.

      Thanks Ted 🙏‍‍

      1. shredbobted Avatar

        Three over here 13 years old, doing fine but it’s a finite timeline. Also my wife loves them at least as much as she loves me and she doesn’t deal with loss well. Understatement there. It’s okay though, we’ve been through ten or more by now in our thirty years together and I know we give them their best lives ever. Still sucks though. If goodness was the reason they would outlive all of us . . .

        1. michael raven Avatar

          Indeed. Hope you have many more years with your fur babies. 🐈‍⬛

  10. Stacey C. Johnson Avatar
    Stacey C. Johnson

    What a beautiful creature Fennekin is. I am so sorry to hear this, Michael. Somehow knowing that these things are sure to come never ever makes it any less devastating. Sending prayers to you and your family.

    1. michael raven Avatar

      Thank you very much Stacey. 💕

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